Must haves for conservative fashionistas

Conservative fashion is timeless, stable, mature and original. The general rules with conservative fashion is that tops and dresses should cover your shoulder; and pants , skirts or dresses sholud fall below the knee.

Conservative clothing essentials

Pashmina

Scarf

Shrug

Capri trousers

Leggings

Cardigan

Button up blouse

Maxi dress or skirt

picture source: 

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http://i01.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/1370387179/New-Fashion-Womens-Ladies-Puff-Sleeve-Button-Down-Chiffon-Slim-Fitted-Burgundy-Tops-Blouse-Shirt-Size.jpg

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=161477583

THE SMARTEST WAYS TO BUILD YOUR SKILLS

Skill-building is one of life's most impactful, fun, and important pursuits. Our skills make us into more interesting, more useful, happier people.

• Work skills can gain you money, respect, and great job security.
• Social skills can make you friends, boost your romantic life, and make people want to be around you.
• Other skills can bring you joy and pleasure, such as playing a song on piano or guitar, surfing a wave, or knitting an ugly Christmas sweater.

Basically, skills are great. What's the smartest way to develop them?<!--more-->

Phase One: Create a Habit

Most people trying to build a new skill make the mistake of doing too much at once. They'll play guitar for four hours on the first day until their fingers bleed. Then they have to wait to recover, physically and mentally, before playing again. In this time, many things can sabotage their skill development (decreased interest or distraction are most likely).

The main issue with doing too much at the start is that it can set an unrealistic precedent. If you practice piano for three hours on your first day, you might think that five minutes of practice is not good enough. It can put you into the dreadful all-or-nothing state of mind where you think you have to practice a long time if you're to practice at all. This perspective makes forming a habit nearly impossible.

When building a skill, it's not actually important initially to make progress in it. Progress in skill-building is secondary to consistency of practice. That is, it's secondary to habit. Here's why.

How Weak Commitment Anchors Ruin Goals

Weak commitment is the #1 reason why people fail to develop skills. One day, you may plan to become a great chess player, but plans can change, so what's keeping you to that goal? A commitment anchor.

Every commitment has an anchor. The anchor is whatever makes you stick to your commitment. In marriage, the commitment anchor is your spoken and public demonstration of lifelong commitment to your spouse, the legal documentation of marriage, and the hassle and cost of divorce. It's a very strong commitment anchor!

The weakest type of commitment anchor is the simple decision to do something. We use this one all the time. With a "desire anchor," there are no consequences if you change your mind. The only anchor, the only thing keeping you to your plans, is your initial desire to do it. When your desire fluctuates (and it always will!), the anchor won't hold and your decision will easily be reversed. For example, I'm in Thailand, and I was planning to rent a motorbike tonight to go see the park, but I changed my mind. I'm writing instead.

Weak commitment anchors are fine. You don't want a heavy commitment for every little decision. The burden would be too great. You should be able to quickly and painlessly change your mind about inconsequential things like what you'll eat for dinner tonight. But we too often overuse this weak anchor, and use it for important commitments we'd rather not break, such as the skills we'd like to build.

Mini habits are perfect for phase one of skill-building because they prioritize habit development over skill development and results. They have a deceptively powerful anchor as well.

Every boat needs an appropriately-sized anchor to effectively hold it in place, and the same goes for commitments. Marriage is a huge decision and commitment. It's a massive ship, and that explains why the commitment anchor is so heavy! The consequences of divorce are extreme and unpleasant, matching the seriousness of the initial commitment.

A mini habit anchor works in a different way. It is a simple decision to do something small every day (the weakest type of anchor), but since a mini habit is so easy to do, the commitment is also lightweight. If marriage is a huge ship, a mini habit is like a toy boat—it's a small, easy, and nearly weightless burden on your life. That's why the standard "weak" commitment anchor is heavy enough to hold it in place.

This is advantageous for us, as we're used to using the weak anchor and it actually works with a mini habit!

Why You Should Start Skills with a Habit

Starting your skill with a habit is brilliant because of the natural progression of skill-building. In practically every skill, there's a period of initial struggle followed by a breakthrough into mediocrity. In other words, when starting a new skill, you're going to be terrible at it. When the brain doesn't have the neural connections required for you to surf, you're not going to be able to do it. Through repeated attempts and perhaps guidance from a teacher, you'll learn more of what to do (and not do). Eventually, you'll get up on the board and surf a wave!

The first goal of skill-building is to get yourself to the minimum required skill level.Once you can get up on the board and surf, write your first book, deliver a speech, or juggle three tennis balls, you'll be able to fine-tune and expand upon those skills.

Skill building is like carving an ice sculpture. At first, you're just hacking away at excess ice. When you get through that, you can carve the more intricate details of the sculpture.

You need a habit-formation strategy (that is built for consistency) to get you through this first phase because it's marked by a lack of positive feedback and is easy to quit. A habit is special in that it keeps going without positive feedback, emotional readiness, or self-belief. That's why trying to skill build any other way is extremely challenging and probably foolish. You're going to be failing, feeling discouraged, and doubting yourself constantly in the early stages. A strategy like mini habits that is engineered for consistent-action will get you through that.

Phase Two: Fine Tune Your Skill

Once you've established a daily habit in your area of skill, you've broken through failure and gracefully landed in mediocrity. Congratulations! Now, you're a below average novelist! (I jest, but this moment really is something to celebrate.)

Phase two calls for practicing and increasing your skill. Developing a habit in phase one creates an opportunity for more of that behavior without overextending yourself and dropping the whole thing. Once the habit is in place though, you can try more advanced techniques and demand more of yourself.

An underrated aspect of habits is how they decrease your risk. If I already have a writing habit, and I try an ambitious goal of writing a book in one month, failure to reach that goal only means that I revert back to my basic writing habit. This is in stark contrast to what happens when pursuing an ambitious goal without a writing habit, in which failure means I'd stop writing (and without practice, skills slowly shrivel and die).

In my fitness journey, I started with one push-up a day. That was the habit phase. Since then, I've made my jump to the gym. I'm still pretty weak, but in my relative weakness, I've put on 20 pounds of muscle and made huge strides in strength, lifting technique, knowledge of exercises, routine structure and more. All I've learned will contribute to future strength gains.

Once I knew I would show up at the gym consistently (habit), it was just a matter of fine-tuning my approach. I'm still working on it, of course, but I'm getting better and better at it. I can even consider some of the extreme exercise programs, as I should be able to stick with them better than I ever have in the past, and I know I won't stop exercising even if I don't stick with the program.

Develop the habit, and then fine-tune the skill. This is the smartest way to develop a skill. Like habit development, skill development works best with consistent effort.

Example: Imagine you have five hours of time (300 minutes) in one month to dedicate to a skill, and these are your two options.

1. You can practice all five hours on the first day.
2. You could practice 10 minutes a day for 30 days.

Why option 2 is superior:

• Since sleep is an integral part of learning, option two gives your brain time to learn what you're practicing. This spread out format is a better match for how the brain learns new behaviors. On day 20, you might even be practicing more advanced aspects of the skill.
• Practicing the skill daily will make it habitual, which means more automaticity and less resistance to the behavior. A one day burnout session is more likely to increase your resistance to the behavior.
• Not even counting the power of habit, it's easier and less intimidating to do something for 10 minutes over 30 days than for five hours on one day.
• Since you do it every day, you're mindful of the skill. Mindfulness in an area leads to more creativity and problem solving.
• You don't get burnt out.
• Option two is proof of your commitment. Anyone can do anything on one day, which is why one day of anything doesn't mean much. This is a good thing. When you have one terrible day, it doesn't define you. What you do consistently defines you.

Now, 10 minutes isn't a magical amount of time. A mini habit is usually one minute or less. When considering how much time to devote to a new skill, think about the skill itself. Some skills require prep time and travel (surfing, for example). Other skills are easy to pick up and put down (juggling, writing, knitting, etc.). Depending on the skill, choose an amount of daily practice time that's easy and unintimidating.

And don't forget the secret power of a mini habit—you can always do more than your small target!

Cheers,

Stephen Guise

Deep Existence 

PRECISION IS POWER

Precision Conquers Power

One summer in middle school, I went to a basketball camp. It was run by Dell Curry, a former pro basketball player. We'd practice basketball skills, and occasionally play full court games. One of the players we played with was this little kid named Stephen Curry (Dell's son). He was the smallest player on the court, but I remember thinking he was pretty good for his size. He'd heave up these long shots that required almost all of his power, and they'd go in sometimes.

Stephen Curry grew up to become an NBA basketball player. Unfortunately for him, he's quite short (for the NBA), not very fast, one of the weakest players, and he can just barely dunk. Despite his physical limitations, Curry is the best basketball player in the world right now.

Last season, Curry won the league MVP award and his team won the NBA Championship. This season, he's on pace to do it again. But how does Stephen Curry dominate players that are stronger, faster, and more athletic than him?

His secret is precision.

Curry makes three point shots at a higher percentage than anyone else. His world-class dribbling skills make up for his average foot speed. His court vision and awareness make him an excellent passer and stealer of the basketball. In all aspects of his game, Curry seems just a hair more precise than other players. He seems to make all the right moves at the right times, and the result is complete domination of the league.

Many people focus on their power: how much energy they have, their strength, and what they can do physically. When they approach a situation, they will attempt to "give it their all." This is, more often than not, a mistake for one simple reason.

A force applied incorrectly is ineffective.

For every Stephen Curry, there have been hundreds of basketball players with dominant physical attributes who didn't have the skillset to make an impact. Precision conquers power.

The tagline of this blog is "creative strategies for lasting change," and the key word there is "strategies." A strategy is a specific way to apply a force. Those without strategies have less control over their energy, and that means they are more likely to miss the targets they want to hit, wasting time and energy in the process.

A crude yet accurate example of this is hammering a nail. It is far, far more important to hit the nail square on the head than it is to hit it with a lot of power. If you hit the nail hard with the hammer, but at the wrong angle, the nail will go in crooked or even bend under the misapplied force of the hammer. If you tap the nail lightly, but right in the center, your applied force will be maximized and the nail will go in straight.

How does this apply to life? Everywhere!

If there is an area in your life where you feel like you're trying really hard and getting nowhere, think about this concept. Some of us have this idea that effort is all that exists and matters. If something is wrong, try harder. If something isn't working, try harder. But effort is only half of the equation. Precision is the other half of the equation, and as the Stephen Curry and hammer examples suggest, it's the more important half.

Examples of Precision Over Force

Conversation: when talking to people, you should feel relaxed. It should not be a strain. You can put effort into listening and responding precisely, but I've realized a big difference between when I try to force social conversations to fit this "ideal conversation" mold in my head compared to just letting it unfold naturally. Socially adept people are good at this—they take everything in stride and don't try too hard to control the direction of conversation. This makes everyone around them more relaxed.

I've noticed this from experience. When I'm "trying hard" to socialize correctly, it doesn't work. When I'm relaxed, it allows me to listen, understand, and respond more precisely to what others are saying, and that results in a better time for everyone.

Self-confidence: Be comfortable in your own skin. Self-confidence is really that simple. If you try too hard to be self-confident, you'll completely overshoot this easy target right in front of your face. You'll load up the arrow and fire at a small target 300 yards away that says, "be a millionaire, be like James Bond, have a beautiful wife, and snowboard professionally, and then you can have self-confidence."

Those are harder targets to hit and they're impressive if reached, but they're also less effective than simply being comfortable with who you are no matter where you are in various aspects of your life. This is why and how a "nobody" can have plenty of self-confidence while a Hollywood star can struggle with it. It's a prime example of why precision matters so much more than force. The precise way to self-confidence is easier than the forced solutions many people try.

Work: Many of you have heard of the 80/20 (Pareto) principle, which says that 20% of the work brings 80% of the results. How many businesses waste hours on one sour customer when they could use that time to gain three more customers and improve their business? Get into the habit of asking yourself "is this really worth my time?" The more I ask myself this question, the less often I do things like check website traffic and book sales, which are interesting, but not worth checking every hour.

Problems in general: When a problem seems as big as Jupiter, look again. A problem is like a massive robotic enemy. It often looks intimidating and even unbeatable on the outside, but every enemy and problem has a weakness. If you manage to disrupt the robot's power supply, for example, it will fall to you immediately. If instead, you attempt to beat its metal chassis with your fists, you're going to get pummeled. When it comes to problems, precision wins.

Think of a current problem. What's the crux of the issue? What's the "weak spot" that, if addressed, could solve the problem on its own? A single precise attack is more devastating than a thousand powerful misfires.

This is the best way to approach life. Be precise. Force is needed in varying amounts—sometimes you need a light touch, other times you need more power—but precision is always necessary. That's why you start with it.

The more I've experimented with this concept, the more surprised I've been that you often don't need as much power/effort as you think you need. Many times, you just need to be a little bit more precise. A small dietary tweak, a different workout routine, a slight shift in perspective... maybe it's not that precision beats power, maybe precision IS power.

Precisely yours,

Stephen Guise

Deep Existence

Official: Pep Guardiola will Manage Manchester City next season.

LUCK DOESN'T MATTER

Exhibit A: While visiting a temple in Thailand, a monk called me over. I sat down in front of him indian style and he grabbed a wooden stick with leather flaps affixed to it, dipped it in water, and shook the apparatus, flinging water droplets on me while saying, "good luck good luck good luck."

Exhibit B: In Japan, most temples have paper fortunes you can purchase for 100 yen. If your fortune is bad, you're supposed to tie it off onto a post to nullify the bad fortune. If it's good, you keep it.

Exhibit C: To avoid bad luck, superstitious people throw salt over their left shoulder and don't walk under ladders. Some believe it's bad luck to see a black cat.

Exhibit D:One of the most common parting phrases is, "good luck."

Luck is well-ingrained in world cultures, religions, and practices. People have varying ideas of the role luck plays into an average person's life. Here's what I think: if you play the luck game, you will lose.

Fortune Favors the Bold

This well-known latin proverb essentially says that luck as we know it is a sham. If the actions we take impact our luck, then is it luck at all? Take a look at the definition of luck (bold emphasis added).

Luck (n): "Success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions."

By definition, luck is outside of our control. But if you subscribe to the notion that fortune/luck favors the bold, then it isn't actually a function of luck, but a direct result of the actions we take. That's basic cause and effect.

Why You Can't Believe in Luck

Luck is a damaging concept to believe in because it steals away our sense of control. If our fate is but a roll of the dice, then what's the point in trying? You can "try" to roll a three, but any effort to do so will be in vain. This is why those who believe in luck are more prone to...

1. Engage in excessive unwise gambling. Gambling is not a game of really a game of luck, or else the casinos wouldn't make money every night. The house edge is a concrete advantage over players. It's like the opposite of gaining interest in a bank account. The longer you play, the more you'll lose money to the house edge. People get lucky gambling sometimes (like me in Japan), but it's folly to see it as a potential windfall when it's an almost certain loss of money.
2. Be passive. If you believe luck may (or may not) bring you what you want, you have less reason to get up and go get it yourself. It's the difference between waiting to be talked to versus being the one to initiate. Initiators create their own opportunities.
3. See the world as unfair. I used to think the world was unfair. I was a new college graduate full of potential, and yet, the world hadn't presented me with a job on a golden platter. I even tried to get a job and still couldn't. When I look back at that time in my life, I realize that my perspective may have contributed to my problem. I saw it as a luck-based venture, rather than deeply strategizing about how to differentiate myself from the other candidates.
4. Blend in. As selfish as it may sound, we all want to stand out. Who doesn't want to be noticed by men or women? Who doesn't want to be presented with an awards or recognition for the good things they do? Who doesn't want to be appreciated for their talents? We all desire to be seen for the unique people we are, but if you believe in luck, then you will hope for your talents to be discovered. That's not going to work.

I used to think that those who stood out did so because they got lucky. Good genetics. A knack for piano. So tall that he's an automatic basketball star. A lucky book deal with a major publisher.

It's not like that though. There are a lot of tall people who haven't even played basketball, and there are short people who are tremendous basketball players. The best natural pianist in the world probably hasn't ever tried playing piano. Most people who want to write books never do. Of the few who actually write a book, many don't try to publish or self-publish it. Of those who do that, many give up after the first few rejections.

I know I've mentioned it before in other articles, but JK Rowling's 12 rejections before finding a publisher for the best-selling book series of all time (Harry Potter) is a perfect example of the problem with luck. She's the world's first billionaire author, but would anyone dare call her "lucky?" She was rejected 12 times for one of the most beloved books of all time! It seems awfully unlucky for her to find 12 publishers in a row who didn't like Harry Potter or see its mainstream potential. But it's not about whether she was lucky or unlucky, because luck doesn't matter!

Luck Doesn't Matter

For argument's sake, let's say you're very unlucky. What do you do then? Give up? Throw salt over your shoulder? These aren't going to tips the scales in your favor. The best answer is to get as far as you can despite your bad luck.

Okay, now let's say you're very lucky. You've already won the lottery. What do you do then? Sit down and wait for more good things to happen? You'd miss a lot of opportunities doing that. Even if you're lucky, you won't meet new people in your home. Even if you're lucky, you can develop health problems from your lifestyle. The best response to extraordinary good luck is to continue living your life, which gives you more opportunities to benefit from your good luck.

The logical next step for both good luck and bad luck is the same. It's best to continue forward regardless of your luck, which is one reason why luck doesn't matter. The second reason?

Luck is Unpredictable

Some people will receive an unlikely fortune or blessing in their lifetime, and they are lucky, but the problem with luck is that you can't strategize for it. You can't strategize to win the lottery.

Even if you wish upon a shooting star, your wish is not guaranteed. Even if you throw salt over a black cat's left paw while climbing a ladder, your luck is not guaranteed to change. Luck is unpredictable, like our emotions.

I've talked in the past about the folly of relying on motivation to reach your goals, and the same is true for luck. If you require luck to reach any goal, you automatically have a slim chance of reaching that goal. Fortune favors the bold because "good luck" is not the result of some mystical power, it's the result of giving yourself as many chances as it takes.

Nobody in the history of the world has gotten anything as a result of "pure luck." If you find a $20 bill on the ground, is it because you are lucky, or is it because you were walking by a spot where there was a $20 bill on the ground? We call it luck, but if you had stayed home that day rubbing a rabbit's foot (or whatever other means) to theoretically increase your luck, you wouldn't have been in position to see the $20.

Life is about controlling what you can control. Fortune and misfortune are a part of life, and they vary, but we can't control them. Some may disagree with that, but even in the case that you were able to influence your luck, you'd be better off actively pursuing your dreams rather than hoping for luck to make them come true.

Don't use bad luck as an excuse for anything. Take full responsibility for everything in your life, because that gives you the most power to change and improve your situation. The moment you point to an external force as what's preventing you from moving forward, you have conceded your power to it.

I'm not suggesting the negatively-charged mindset of "It's all my fault" as much as I'm recommending the mindset of "I am wholly responsible for everything in my life."

Even if something truly isn't your fault (maybe it is "bad luck" or another person's error), you can still take responsibility for it to better control the ensuing result.For example, if someone else spills a drink, you can assume responsibility for it andtake control of the situation by cleaning it up with paper towels. The fortunes and misfortunes of our lives up to this point may have not been completely up to us, but we can still take responsibility for them. Let's be assertive about what happens next.

Good luck!

Luck doesn't matter because it's secondary to action.

Cheers,

Stephen Guise