Of all the ways to define people, this way might matter more than any of them.
As a general question, why does one person thrive as another fails? And how can this happen in situations where they have the same opportunities for success?
This is not a question of who's born with a silver spoon and not, it's a question of what people do with whatever circumstances they have.
What determines whether you drag along the bottom of your potential or push its upper limit?
It depends on if you are reactive or proactive.
Reactive people find themselves in situations they don't like and they will complain about those situations, but they rarely, if ever, do anything about it. Proactive people find themselves in the same situations; the difference is that they refuse to accept them as final. They take the unknown and make it into something better.
Proactive People Impose Their Will Upon the World
If you admire someone, it's almost always because they were proactive in a way that means something to you. We're not inspired when people complain, we're inspired when people do inspiring things. Rosa Parks, Colonel Sanders, and Marcus Luttrell are good examples of proactive people.
Rosa Parks was born into a world that defined and segregated people based on their race. It wasn't fair or logical, but it was her world. Many people reacted to this in ways you'd expect: anger, sadness, complaining, etc. But not many of them were proactive about changing it. Most followed the rules and accepted their fate. Rosa Parks, however, was proactive in a subtle and powerful way.
Parks decided that regardless of what the law and other people said, she would take a stand, or rather, take a seat in the "white" section of the bus. She refused to move and was arrested for it, and the event played a key role in ending racial segregation. She didn't wait for the world to change before she acted.
Colonel Sanders should have never been able to do what he did with the now-massive Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant franchise. He was rumored to have been rejected more than 1,000 times trying to sell his chicken recipe to restaurants. (I wonder how many people would have kept trying after just 10 rejections.) But like Rosa Parks, Sanders had a vision of what he wanted, and he continued to actively pursue it. He didn't wait for validation to move forward.
Marcus Luttrell,
whom I've written about before, is a former Navy Seal who survived one of the most unsurvivable situations in history. On a mission gone wrong, his fellow Navy Seals were killed around him, and he was wounded badly and trapped in the Afghanistan wilderness (his enemy's territory). He'd lost contact with the Navy and Afghan soldiers were looking for him. Despite almost certain death, he didn't merely hope to be saved first, he proactively saved himself. Marcus took steps to increase his chance of survival, and that's why he did survive.
He didn't wait to be saved, he saved himself.
The defining factor of a proactive person is that they can make firm decisions with no support, no precedent, no external approval, and no assurance of a positive result. They don't wait. They don't ask. They act.
- Rosa Parks was alone in the front of that bus. People on the bus disapproved of her action, and they repeatedly told her to get up and move. But she stayed because her decision didn't depend on permission. She wasn't going to follow the rules because the rules were wrong.
- Colonel Sanders had no reason to think his chicken recipe would succeed—he had hundreds of rejections that said otherwise! The unspoken rule is that if you are told "no" 592 times in a row, you give up and try something else. He had no limit for rejection.
- Marcus Luttrell was alone in hostile territory with no support, no contact with the Navy, and shrapnel in his leg; oh, and he was severely dehydrated. There was no guidebook for that situation. There was nobody there to tell him, "you can do this!" or "you'll find water just southwest of here."
Proactive people have the courage to face the unknown and tread new paths.
How Can You Be Proactive?
To be proactive, you need two things.
1. Self-efficacy
Self-efficacy is your belief in your ability to influence outcomes. It is an essential skill in life. I first talked about this in
Mini Habits, as mini habits are the best way I know of to build self-efficacy. In plain words, self-efficacy is believing that what you do makes all the difference. It means you trust in the power of your actions to create different results.
Consider the examples above: Parks, Sanders, and Luttrell all believed that, despite unfavorable circumstances or poor prior results, their choices from that moment on could change everything (and they were right).
2. Emotional fortitude
Being proactive is an emotional challenge; it leaves you open to judgment (think Rosa on the bus), embarrassment (Colonel's many rejections), and uncertainty (Luttrell's attempt to survive against the odds). Having self-efficacy isn't a guarantee of success, it only provides you the opportunity for it. Since success isn't guaranteed, emotional fortitude is important.
The Solution: Practice Being Proactive
How does one become emotionally strong, resilient, and bold enough to be proactive and take low-downside risks? Practice. It's the only way to do be proactive consistently. The goal is to become comfortable with the inherent discomfort and uncertainty in being proactive.
For this as well, it helps to have mini habits. Beyond mini habits, look for opportunities to prove to yourself that your actions make a difference. An easy starting point is to give someone a genuine compliment and watch their face light up with joy. That will show you how much your opinion matters, and how powerful your choices can be to change yourself, others, and even the world.
I used to think that boldness and bravery came from inner motivation or will, but in practice I've found it to be more habitual and skill-related. The person who is courageous today is the one who is more likely to be courageous tomorrow.
If you're not proactive about getting what you want in life, you're going to end up merely reacting to everything life throws at you and feeling as if you don't have a choice. But you do have a choice. If Rosa Parks merely reacted to people telling her to sit somewhere else instead of proactively deciding herself, it would not have had the same impact that it did.
It's a matter of perspective. Some people see circumstances as authority, while others believe that they can create their own circumstances.
Are you procrastinating on something right now? If so, you may have fallen into a
reactive mindset. Procrastinators react to the string of
unimportant, urgent tasks that come their way. Don't let that happen. That's letting circumstances and the fear of the unknown keep you from creating your own story.
Figure out a simple and small action you can take to move forward in an area of procrastination. Repeat this as necessary and you'll get better at being proactive over reactive. Every day, we have copious opportunities to take control. Be the one that makes something happen, or else you'll (unsuccessfully) wait your entire life to get what you really want.
This message is not motivational, it's actionable! Right now! Here are a few examples of some common proactive opportunities:
- Give someone a real compliment
- Tell someone how you really feel (good or bad)
- Make an aggressive move toward a new job
- Stand up for yourself or what you believe in
- Don't let others push you around and manipulate you
- Take smart risks, like asking for a raise or trying to sell something (where the worst case is hearing "no")
- Plan an exciting trip (and invite family/friends if you want company)
- Move in. Move out. Move somewhere if it suits you!
- Submit applications, manuscripts, queries, questions, and the like to the appropriate people
- Take a road trip
The worst you can do is stand still and hope for the best. The best is reserved for those who earn it by being proactive, so let's practice being proactive at every opportunity. Good luck!
Cheers,
Stephen Guise
sguise@deepexistence.com
Deep Existence
Pic source: medexec.org
