Must haves for conservative fashionistas

Conservative fashion is timeless, stable, mature and original. The general rules with conservative fashion is that tops and dresses should cover your shoulder; and pants , skirts or dresses sholud fall below the knee.

Conservative clothing essentials

Pashmina

Scarf

Shrug

Capri trousers

Leggings

Cardigan

Button up blouse

Maxi dress or skirt

picture source: 

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http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=161477583

THE SMARTEST WAYS TO BUILD YOUR SKILLS

Skill-building is one of life's most impactful, fun, and important pursuits. Our skills make us into more interesting, more useful, happier people.

• Work skills can gain you money, respect, and great job security.
• Social skills can make you friends, boost your romantic life, and make people want to be around you.
• Other skills can bring you joy and pleasure, such as playing a song on piano or guitar, surfing a wave, or knitting an ugly Christmas sweater.

Basically, skills are great. What's the smartest way to develop them?<!--more-->

Phase One: Create a Habit

Most people trying to build a new skill make the mistake of doing too much at once. They'll play guitar for four hours on the first day until their fingers bleed. Then they have to wait to recover, physically and mentally, before playing again. In this time, many things can sabotage their skill development (decreased interest or distraction are most likely).

The main issue with doing too much at the start is that it can set an unrealistic precedent. If you practice piano for three hours on your first day, you might think that five minutes of practice is not good enough. It can put you into the dreadful all-or-nothing state of mind where you think you have to practice a long time if you're to practice at all. This perspective makes forming a habit nearly impossible.

When building a skill, it's not actually important initially to make progress in it. Progress in skill-building is secondary to consistency of practice. That is, it's secondary to habit. Here's why.

How Weak Commitment Anchors Ruin Goals

Weak commitment is the #1 reason why people fail to develop skills. One day, you may plan to become a great chess player, but plans can change, so what's keeping you to that goal? A commitment anchor.

Every commitment has an anchor. The anchor is whatever makes you stick to your commitment. In marriage, the commitment anchor is your spoken and public demonstration of lifelong commitment to your spouse, the legal documentation of marriage, and the hassle and cost of divorce. It's a very strong commitment anchor!

The weakest type of commitment anchor is the simple decision to do something. We use this one all the time. With a "desire anchor," there are no consequences if you change your mind. The only anchor, the only thing keeping you to your plans, is your initial desire to do it. When your desire fluctuates (and it always will!), the anchor won't hold and your decision will easily be reversed. For example, I'm in Thailand, and I was planning to rent a motorbike tonight to go see the park, but I changed my mind. I'm writing instead.

Weak commitment anchors are fine. You don't want a heavy commitment for every little decision. The burden would be too great. You should be able to quickly and painlessly change your mind about inconsequential things like what you'll eat for dinner tonight. But we too often overuse this weak anchor, and use it for important commitments we'd rather not break, such as the skills we'd like to build.

Mini habits are perfect for phase one of skill-building because they prioritize habit development over skill development and results. They have a deceptively powerful anchor as well.

Every boat needs an appropriately-sized anchor to effectively hold it in place, and the same goes for commitments. Marriage is a huge decision and commitment. It's a massive ship, and that explains why the commitment anchor is so heavy! The consequences of divorce are extreme and unpleasant, matching the seriousness of the initial commitment.

A mini habit anchor works in a different way. It is a simple decision to do something small every day (the weakest type of anchor), but since a mini habit is so easy to do, the commitment is also lightweight. If marriage is a huge ship, a mini habit is like a toy boat—it's a small, easy, and nearly weightless burden on your life. That's why the standard "weak" commitment anchor is heavy enough to hold it in place.

This is advantageous for us, as we're used to using the weak anchor and it actually works with a mini habit!

Why You Should Start Skills with a Habit

Starting your skill with a habit is brilliant because of the natural progression of skill-building. In practically every skill, there's a period of initial struggle followed by a breakthrough into mediocrity. In other words, when starting a new skill, you're going to be terrible at it. When the brain doesn't have the neural connections required for you to surf, you're not going to be able to do it. Through repeated attempts and perhaps guidance from a teacher, you'll learn more of what to do (and not do). Eventually, you'll get up on the board and surf a wave!

The first goal of skill-building is to get yourself to the minimum required skill level.Once you can get up on the board and surf, write your first book, deliver a speech, or juggle three tennis balls, you'll be able to fine-tune and expand upon those skills.

Skill building is like carving an ice sculpture. At first, you're just hacking away at excess ice. When you get through that, you can carve the more intricate details of the sculpture.

You need a habit-formation strategy (that is built for consistency) to get you through this first phase because it's marked by a lack of positive feedback and is easy to quit. A habit is special in that it keeps going without positive feedback, emotional readiness, or self-belief. That's why trying to skill build any other way is extremely challenging and probably foolish. You're going to be failing, feeling discouraged, and doubting yourself constantly in the early stages. A strategy like mini habits that is engineered for consistent-action will get you through that.

Phase Two: Fine Tune Your Skill

Once you've established a daily habit in your area of skill, you've broken through failure and gracefully landed in mediocrity. Congratulations! Now, you're a below average novelist! (I jest, but this moment really is something to celebrate.)

Phase two calls for practicing and increasing your skill. Developing a habit in phase one creates an opportunity for more of that behavior without overextending yourself and dropping the whole thing. Once the habit is in place though, you can try more advanced techniques and demand more of yourself.

An underrated aspect of habits is how they decrease your risk. If I already have a writing habit, and I try an ambitious goal of writing a book in one month, failure to reach that goal only means that I revert back to my basic writing habit. This is in stark contrast to what happens when pursuing an ambitious goal without a writing habit, in which failure means I'd stop writing (and without practice, skills slowly shrivel and die).

In my fitness journey, I started with one push-up a day. That was the habit phase. Since then, I've made my jump to the gym. I'm still pretty weak, but in my relative weakness, I've put on 20 pounds of muscle and made huge strides in strength, lifting technique, knowledge of exercises, routine structure and more. All I've learned will contribute to future strength gains.

Once I knew I would show up at the gym consistently (habit), it was just a matter of fine-tuning my approach. I'm still working on it, of course, but I'm getting better and better at it. I can even consider some of the extreme exercise programs, as I should be able to stick with them better than I ever have in the past, and I know I won't stop exercising even if I don't stick with the program.

Develop the habit, and then fine-tune the skill. This is the smartest way to develop a skill. Like habit development, skill development works best with consistent effort.

Example: Imagine you have five hours of time (300 minutes) in one month to dedicate to a skill, and these are your two options.

1. You can practice all five hours on the first day.
2. You could practice 10 minutes a day for 30 days.

Why option 2 is superior:

• Since sleep is an integral part of learning, option two gives your brain time to learn what you're practicing. This spread out format is a better match for how the brain learns new behaviors. On day 20, you might even be practicing more advanced aspects of the skill.
• Practicing the skill daily will make it habitual, which means more automaticity and less resistance to the behavior. A one day burnout session is more likely to increase your resistance to the behavior.
• Not even counting the power of habit, it's easier and less intimidating to do something for 10 minutes over 30 days than for five hours on one day.
• Since you do it every day, you're mindful of the skill. Mindfulness in an area leads to more creativity and problem solving.
• You don't get burnt out.
• Option two is proof of your commitment. Anyone can do anything on one day, which is why one day of anything doesn't mean much. This is a good thing. When you have one terrible day, it doesn't define you. What you do consistently defines you.

Now, 10 minutes isn't a magical amount of time. A mini habit is usually one minute or less. When considering how much time to devote to a new skill, think about the skill itself. Some skills require prep time and travel (surfing, for example). Other skills are easy to pick up and put down (juggling, writing, knitting, etc.). Depending on the skill, choose an amount of daily practice time that's easy and unintimidating.

And don't forget the secret power of a mini habit—you can always do more than your small target!

Cheers,

Stephen Guise

Deep Existence 

PRECISION IS POWER

Precision Conquers Power

One summer in middle school, I went to a basketball camp. It was run by Dell Curry, a former pro basketball player. We'd practice basketball skills, and occasionally play full court games. One of the players we played with was this little kid named Stephen Curry (Dell's son). He was the smallest player on the court, but I remember thinking he was pretty good for his size. He'd heave up these long shots that required almost all of his power, and they'd go in sometimes.

Stephen Curry grew up to become an NBA basketball player. Unfortunately for him, he's quite short (for the NBA), not very fast, one of the weakest players, and he can just barely dunk. Despite his physical limitations, Curry is the best basketball player in the world right now.

Last season, Curry won the league MVP award and his team won the NBA Championship. This season, he's on pace to do it again. But how does Stephen Curry dominate players that are stronger, faster, and more athletic than him?

His secret is precision.

Curry makes three point shots at a higher percentage than anyone else. His world-class dribbling skills make up for his average foot speed. His court vision and awareness make him an excellent passer and stealer of the basketball. In all aspects of his game, Curry seems just a hair more precise than other players. He seems to make all the right moves at the right times, and the result is complete domination of the league.

Many people focus on their power: how much energy they have, their strength, and what they can do physically. When they approach a situation, they will attempt to "give it their all." This is, more often than not, a mistake for one simple reason.

A force applied incorrectly is ineffective.

For every Stephen Curry, there have been hundreds of basketball players with dominant physical attributes who didn't have the skillset to make an impact. Precision conquers power.

The tagline of this blog is "creative strategies for lasting change," and the key word there is "strategies." A strategy is a specific way to apply a force. Those without strategies have less control over their energy, and that means they are more likely to miss the targets they want to hit, wasting time and energy in the process.

A crude yet accurate example of this is hammering a nail. It is far, far more important to hit the nail square on the head than it is to hit it with a lot of power. If you hit the nail hard with the hammer, but at the wrong angle, the nail will go in crooked or even bend under the misapplied force of the hammer. If you tap the nail lightly, but right in the center, your applied force will be maximized and the nail will go in straight.

How does this apply to life? Everywhere!

If there is an area in your life where you feel like you're trying really hard and getting nowhere, think about this concept. Some of us have this idea that effort is all that exists and matters. If something is wrong, try harder. If something isn't working, try harder. But effort is only half of the equation. Precision is the other half of the equation, and as the Stephen Curry and hammer examples suggest, it's the more important half.

Examples of Precision Over Force

Conversation: when talking to people, you should feel relaxed. It should not be a strain. You can put effort into listening and responding precisely, but I've realized a big difference between when I try to force social conversations to fit this "ideal conversation" mold in my head compared to just letting it unfold naturally. Socially adept people are good at this—they take everything in stride and don't try too hard to control the direction of conversation. This makes everyone around them more relaxed.

I've noticed this from experience. When I'm "trying hard" to socialize correctly, it doesn't work. When I'm relaxed, it allows me to listen, understand, and respond more precisely to what others are saying, and that results in a better time for everyone.

Self-confidence: Be comfortable in your own skin. Self-confidence is really that simple. If you try too hard to be self-confident, you'll completely overshoot this easy target right in front of your face. You'll load up the arrow and fire at a small target 300 yards away that says, "be a millionaire, be like James Bond, have a beautiful wife, and snowboard professionally, and then you can have self-confidence."

Those are harder targets to hit and they're impressive if reached, but they're also less effective than simply being comfortable with who you are no matter where you are in various aspects of your life. This is why and how a "nobody" can have plenty of self-confidence while a Hollywood star can struggle with it. It's a prime example of why precision matters so much more than force. The precise way to self-confidence is easier than the forced solutions many people try.

Work: Many of you have heard of the 80/20 (Pareto) principle, which says that 20% of the work brings 80% of the results. How many businesses waste hours on one sour customer when they could use that time to gain three more customers and improve their business? Get into the habit of asking yourself "is this really worth my time?" The more I ask myself this question, the less often I do things like check website traffic and book sales, which are interesting, but not worth checking every hour.

Problems in general: When a problem seems as big as Jupiter, look again. A problem is like a massive robotic enemy. It often looks intimidating and even unbeatable on the outside, but every enemy and problem has a weakness. If you manage to disrupt the robot's power supply, for example, it will fall to you immediately. If instead, you attempt to beat its metal chassis with your fists, you're going to get pummeled. When it comes to problems, precision wins.

Think of a current problem. What's the crux of the issue? What's the "weak spot" that, if addressed, could solve the problem on its own? A single precise attack is more devastating than a thousand powerful misfires.

This is the best way to approach life. Be precise. Force is needed in varying amounts—sometimes you need a light touch, other times you need more power—but precision is always necessary. That's why you start with it.

The more I've experimented with this concept, the more surprised I've been that you often don't need as much power/effort as you think you need. Many times, you just need to be a little bit more precise. A small dietary tweak, a different workout routine, a slight shift in perspective... maybe it's not that precision beats power, maybe precision IS power.

Precisely yours,

Stephen Guise

Deep Existence

LUCK DOESN'T MATTER

Exhibit A: While visiting a temple in Thailand, a monk called me over. I sat down in front of him indian style and he grabbed a wooden stick with leather flaps affixed to it, dipped it in water, and shook the apparatus, flinging water droplets on me while saying, "good luck good luck good luck."

Exhibit B: In Japan, most temples have paper fortunes you can purchase for 100 yen. If your fortune is bad, you're supposed to tie it off onto a post to nullify the bad fortune. If it's good, you keep it.

Exhibit C: To avoid bad luck, superstitious people throw salt over their left shoulder and don't walk under ladders. Some believe it's bad luck to see a black cat.

Exhibit D:One of the most common parting phrases is, "good luck."

Luck is well-ingrained in world cultures, religions, and practices. People have varying ideas of the role luck plays into an average person's life. Here's what I think: if you play the luck game, you will lose.

Fortune Favors the Bold

This well-known latin proverb essentially says that luck as we know it is a sham. If the actions we take impact our luck, then is it luck at all? Take a look at the definition of luck (bold emphasis added).

Luck (n): "Success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions."

By definition, luck is outside of our control. But if you subscribe to the notion that fortune/luck favors the bold, then it isn't actually a function of luck, but a direct result of the actions we take. That's basic cause and effect.

Why You Can't Believe in Luck

Luck is a damaging concept to believe in because it steals away our sense of control. If our fate is but a roll of the dice, then what's the point in trying? You can "try" to roll a three, but any effort to do so will be in vain. This is why those who believe in luck are more prone to...

1. Engage in excessive unwise gambling. Gambling is not a game of really a game of luck, or else the casinos wouldn't make money every night. The house edge is a concrete advantage over players. It's like the opposite of gaining interest in a bank account. The longer you play, the more you'll lose money to the house edge. People get lucky gambling sometimes (like me in Japan), but it's folly to see it as a potential windfall when it's an almost certain loss of money.
2. Be passive. If you believe luck may (or may not) bring you what you want, you have less reason to get up and go get it yourself. It's the difference between waiting to be talked to versus being the one to initiate. Initiators create their own opportunities.
3. See the world as unfair. I used to think the world was unfair. I was a new college graduate full of potential, and yet, the world hadn't presented me with a job on a golden platter. I even tried to get a job and still couldn't. When I look back at that time in my life, I realize that my perspective may have contributed to my problem. I saw it as a luck-based venture, rather than deeply strategizing about how to differentiate myself from the other candidates.
4. Blend in. As selfish as it may sound, we all want to stand out. Who doesn't want to be noticed by men or women? Who doesn't want to be presented with an awards or recognition for the good things they do? Who doesn't want to be appreciated for their talents? We all desire to be seen for the unique people we are, but if you believe in luck, then you will hope for your talents to be discovered. That's not going to work.

I used to think that those who stood out did so because they got lucky. Good genetics. A knack for piano. So tall that he's an automatic basketball star. A lucky book deal with a major publisher.

It's not like that though. There are a lot of tall people who haven't even played basketball, and there are short people who are tremendous basketball players. The best natural pianist in the world probably hasn't ever tried playing piano. Most people who want to write books never do. Of the few who actually write a book, many don't try to publish or self-publish it. Of those who do that, many give up after the first few rejections.

I know I've mentioned it before in other articles, but JK Rowling's 12 rejections before finding a publisher for the best-selling book series of all time (Harry Potter) is a perfect example of the problem with luck. She's the world's first billionaire author, but would anyone dare call her "lucky?" She was rejected 12 times for one of the most beloved books of all time! It seems awfully unlucky for her to find 12 publishers in a row who didn't like Harry Potter or see its mainstream potential. But it's not about whether she was lucky or unlucky, because luck doesn't matter!

Luck Doesn't Matter

For argument's sake, let's say you're very unlucky. What do you do then? Give up? Throw salt over your shoulder? These aren't going to tips the scales in your favor. The best answer is to get as far as you can despite your bad luck.

Okay, now let's say you're very lucky. You've already won the lottery. What do you do then? Sit down and wait for more good things to happen? You'd miss a lot of opportunities doing that. Even if you're lucky, you won't meet new people in your home. Even if you're lucky, you can develop health problems from your lifestyle. The best response to extraordinary good luck is to continue living your life, which gives you more opportunities to benefit from your good luck.

The logical next step for both good luck and bad luck is the same. It's best to continue forward regardless of your luck, which is one reason why luck doesn't matter. The second reason?

Luck is Unpredictable

Some people will receive an unlikely fortune or blessing in their lifetime, and they are lucky, but the problem with luck is that you can't strategize for it. You can't strategize to win the lottery.

Even if you wish upon a shooting star, your wish is not guaranteed. Even if you throw salt over a black cat's left paw while climbing a ladder, your luck is not guaranteed to change. Luck is unpredictable, like our emotions.

I've talked in the past about the folly of relying on motivation to reach your goals, and the same is true for luck. If you require luck to reach any goal, you automatically have a slim chance of reaching that goal. Fortune favors the bold because "good luck" is not the result of some mystical power, it's the result of giving yourself as many chances as it takes.

Nobody in the history of the world has gotten anything as a result of "pure luck." If you find a $20 bill on the ground, is it because you are lucky, or is it because you were walking by a spot where there was a $20 bill on the ground? We call it luck, but if you had stayed home that day rubbing a rabbit's foot (or whatever other means) to theoretically increase your luck, you wouldn't have been in position to see the $20.

Life is about controlling what you can control. Fortune and misfortune are a part of life, and they vary, but we can't control them. Some may disagree with that, but even in the case that you were able to influence your luck, you'd be better off actively pursuing your dreams rather than hoping for luck to make them come true.

Don't use bad luck as an excuse for anything. Take full responsibility for everything in your life, because that gives you the most power to change and improve your situation. The moment you point to an external force as what's preventing you from moving forward, you have conceded your power to it.

I'm not suggesting the negatively-charged mindset of "It's all my fault" as much as I'm recommending the mindset of "I am wholly responsible for everything in my life."

Even if something truly isn't your fault (maybe it is "bad luck" or another person's error), you can still take responsibility for it to better control the ensuing result.For example, if someone else spills a drink, you can assume responsibility for it andtake control of the situation by cleaning it up with paper towels. The fortunes and misfortunes of our lives up to this point may have not been completely up to us, but we can still take responsibility for them. Let's be assertive about what happens next.

Good luck!

Luck doesn't matter because it's secondary to action.

Cheers,

Stephen Guise

KNOW WHEN TO CHARGE (DIRECT) AND WHEN TO STEALTH NINJA (INDIRECT)

Today's message is about when to be direct (or not) and I think you'll get something out of it. Let me know what you think!

Know When to Charge (Direct) and When to Stealth Ninja (Indirect)

Every life situation is an opportunity to be direct or indirect. When should each tactic be used?

As expected, I'm going to start by telling you a fable.

A frog and a scorpion were walking together in the mall one day. The scorpion said to the frog, "I'd sure like to sting a frog someday." The frog nodded and smiled. Frogs can smile. A few minutes later, the scorpion said, "Hmm... Your back looks like it could use a sting." The frog smiled again and asked, "Would you like to sting me?" The scorpion nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay," the frog said, "Close your eyes and lower your stinger slowly." The scorpion closed his eyes and lowered his stinger. The frog grabbed the middle of the scorpion's tail with his tongue, and jammed its stinger into an electrical outlet, shocking the scorpion and killing it. Though he was the naturally weaker creature, the frog controlled the situation, which is why he survived and the scorpion died.

When to Be Aggressive (Direct)

While reading about the frog and scorpion, you may have been thinking, "Why didn't the scorpion just sting the frog?" That's indeed what he should have done instead of asking for permission. What lion has ever asked for permission to eat a wildebeest? That's why lions are the king of the jungle!

Humanity is more sophisticated than this survival of the fittest system, but we still operate under "thrival of the fittest." Those who directly and aggressivelyimpose their will on the world in general are the ones who get their way most often and definitely in the long term. This isn't suggesting to be violent or rude. Being direct and aggressive is not the same as aggression. You can be aggressive while being gentle and positive.

It can be something like saying "hello" to a stranger. It can mean assuming the leadership role of a group. It can mean asking a company for a job. Aggressive people take initiative and don't ask for permission.

Use the direct approach whenever it serves you best, which is most situations.

Indirectly trying to exert your will has another name—manipulation. It's when you say, "Gee, my back is sore and I'd love a massage," instead of asking someone to give you a massage. The goal is to make someone feel compelled to do what you want without making your intentions known. It's often done as a means to avoid direct rejection. Not only is this sneaky, but it's weaker than being direct.

Like a muscle that is never exercised, being indirect makes you weaker because it doesn't expose you to the natural way of the world (where there are wins and losses, risks and rewards). Trying to live your life indirectly is frustrating.

Not only is being indirect weaker, but it's harder to do than being direct. Manipulation is a delicate act of simultaneously applying force and cloaking your intentions. In certain social situations, it's more appropriate or effective to be indirect, but when it comes to most actions you can take or requests of others, being direct is superior. People will appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness, and you'll have more opportunities to succeed.

As a bonus, being direct requires much less time and energy than manipulation. Rather than scheming for hours about how to get someone to do the dishes, you can simply ask someone.

When to Sidestep (Indirect)

When the world presents you with a challenge, you can face it directly or indirectly (sidestep).

The frog from the story was smart because he resisted the scorpion indirectly. Direct resistance from the frog would have been something like, "No, don't sting me! That will kill me. Go away!" This could have made the scorpion upset, at which point he may have stung the frog. Or else, the frog may have resisted by preemptively attacking the scorpion, and the scorpion would win the fight easily. Instead of doing either of those, he outsmarted the scorpion.

This is a valuable lesson: as a general rule, do not directly resist anything that is stronger than you!

It's common sense, isn't it? If a giant boulder rolls toward you, you're not going to try to push it back, you're going to get out of its way. If a person with a weapon approaches you belligerently, you're not going to fight them unarmed, you're going to run away.

This same concept, however, can be lost in life's less visible areas! One such area is negative thinking.

The Folly of Resisting Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts aren't necessarily stronger than we are, but they are quickly strengthened when resisted. This has to do with the way the brain works. When we issue a command to brain central that says, "Don't think about green flamingos," we think more about green flamingos because we're aware of what we're trying to avoid. Our brain isn't like a computer, where you can press delete on thoughts you wish to discard.

We need to be cunning like the smart frog when the challenge is formidable. When the negative thought comes in, instead of knee-jerk resistance, we can greet it, shake its hand, and smile at it. "Nice to see you, Mr. Pessimism About Being Lonely Forever. Interesting name. Please have a seat on the couch and enjoy a scone."

It's counterintuitive to invite your negative thoughts over for a scone, but it's important to acknowledge (not deny) a negative thought's existence, because the moment we try to banish a thought and activate CODE RED, we raise our awareness of it. Now, instead of thinking about kittens, sunflowers, and delicious soup, we're obsessed with avoiding this negative thought, which means we're focused on it constantly, the precise opposite of our intent. We unintentionally amplify and honor negative thoughts by making them enemies worthy of our full attention.

Negative thoughts aren't worthy of our attention. All people, even perpetually happy people, have negative thoughts on occasion. Positive people are happy because they don't fear negative thoughts, they don't pull any alarms. They calmly go back to thinking about sunshine and lunch (sorry, food references increase when you write hungry).

Acknowledge negative thoughts (like the frog nodding to the scorpion). Rather than fight them directly, calmly choose something positive to think about (the frog avoided a direct fight, and put the scorpion stinger into the power socket!). This is the indirect approach at its finest.

Directly Resisting Temptation? Bad Idea

Another instance in which it can be a bad idea to resist directly is temptation. Our willpower strength fluctuates, meaning there will be times in which the temptation is greater than our power to resist it. Even worse, resisting temptation depletes willpower, making it all the more likely to happen at some point, like a brake pad wearing down from repeated use.

In instances that you are weaker than the challenge you're facing, you must have a superior strategy to win. I realized this when I succeeded with mini habits after years of failing with other "mainstream" strategies. It wasn't that I got any stronger—the challenges I faced were still greater than my raw strength—it was the superiority of the strategy that did it.

Your base strength x your strategy = your total strength

Typically, strategies do nothing to help you (and sometimes hold you back), making the equation:

Base strength x 1 = base strength

A strategy like mini habits, however, leverages your limited willpower to make the equation:

Base strength x 4 = super strength

The Power of Strategizing

Directly attacking a formidable challenge/enemy is a poor decision. Instead, it's best to strategize an indirect approach that gives you an advantage.

In the story of David and Goliath, David was armed with a sling, from which he could launch stones at a distance. Goliath was armed with a massive sword, which was lethal, but only at close range. David's advantage was clear when he killed Goliath without getting near him. If it were close combat, Goliath would have killed David easily. This is a perfect example of utilizing strategy to win when you're outmatched.

Real Life Examples of Strategy over Direct Force

Mini Habits: the intimidating challenge of changing yourself is overcome by small, consistent steps that leverage willpower and the brain's method of change.

Travel: the impossibility of traveling without enough money is made possible by using a strategies like travel hacking and couchsurfing to make it cheap or free. If you weigh your finances to the cost of a "typical" vacation and the math doesn't work, you can use an indirect approach to make it happen anyway!

Career: The key to a successful career is to play to your strengths, which often don't align with the direct career path approach. I'm very poor at networking and job interviews (two huge parts of the direct career path), and eventually, after failing to make that work, I was able to use my analytical ability and creativity to become an author. The direct, conventional career approach only works for some people. People find many other ways to make a living! There are professional snugglers, for example. In Japan, where I am writing this, there are professional apologizers, who are hired to apologize on behalf of others. That is a very indirect way to make money if you ask me!

But when strategizing is unnecessary, don't do it!

Going back to the story at the beginning, the scorpion was needlessly indirect with the frog. He had the power to sting the frog, dilly dallied instead, and got zapped as a result. In our lives, getting zapped means missing opportunities, so it's equally important to know when to go for the gold!

Real Life Examples of the Direct Approach

Fitness: Since my fitness mini habit has developed, I've been able to directly approach my fitness goal of exercising nearly every day (except when I need to rest). It's a matter of knowing that I now have the upper hand against my (former) resistance to exercise. I know I can win this battle, so I go in and win it!

Travel: Say you have enough time and money to see the world. In that case, only use travel hacking and couchsurfing if you want. Bon voyage!

Career: Some people excel within the provided system of school, college, and then work. There's no reason for them to start a cuddling business (unless they prefer that!).

As you can see, the direct approach is simple. When you know you can win, go ahead and do it. But know your limits as well.

Most people use the direct approach for everything, even when it isn't working. Therefore, the main purpose of this message is to get you thinking about the indirect approach and in what areas it may benefit you.

Cheers,

Stephen Guise

TWO WAYS TO INCREASE YOUR DETERMINATION

Imagine you're racing through a forest to get to a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

You enter a rather thorny area of the forest. THWAP! You're gashed across the face by a thorny branch. How do you respond?

Some people would stop and tend to their wounds, and even head back home. But an especially determined person might use the adrenaline from the thorn encounter to run even faster.

The distinguishing factor between a person who stops and a person who continues after resistance is determination. But why is one person more determined than the next? Is it genetic? Is it an emotional status? Is it a choice? Is it a simple result of how much you desire something?

The One Requirement for Determination

Do you know a single person who is determined to run on the sun? Probably not, because the sun is 9,941 degrees Fahrenheit (about 5,000 Celsius) on the surface and they'd die before touching it. People aren't determined to run on the sun because they don't believe it can be done. You might say that they'd have no reason to want to do that, but when you think about it, successfully running on the sun would be one of mankind's most impressive achievements. It's just so far out of the realm of possibility that we don't consider trying.

In the sports videos article I wrote, those athletes must have had some semblance of belief in themselves or their chances, which enabled them to continue and get the unlikely win.

Am I saying that determination requires strong belief? Not quite. More accurately, determination requires a lack of complete disbelief in the possibility of success.

If what you'd like to do genuinely seems unfeasible to you at the moment, then what?

If you don't currently believe, you must suspend disbelief (a skill).

We are attracted to emotional concepts like motivation, determination, courage, and fearlessness, but beneath these seemingly emotion-driven behaviors are skills that can be practiced (and improved). One of the things I like to do is find these non-obvious actions that can train us to develop favorable emotional attributes like the ones listed above. Suspension of disbelief is one such action that can develop the emotional attribute of determination.

If you've ever seen a determined person, you'll notice that they seem to ignore the reality of the situation they're in. That is exactly what's required for determination! Being determined is still trying even though things haven't gone well or perfectly. In contrast, a person who is not determined has processed and accepted the current reality instead of fighting for the reality they want.

Determination Example: You want to be a great painter, so you set up your canvas, grab a brush, and get to work. After a few hours, you take a step back. It's a lousy painting. I mean... it's really bad. You painted a turtle, but he has purple eyes (why?) and it looks like his neck is broken. It's not even bad in an "artsy" way. The current reality of your situation, then, is that you can't paint well. If you accept this reality, you won't touch a brush again. You'll say, "I tried that and it didn't work for me." But if you ignore that current reality and the associated doubts, you won't have total doubt in your painting ability.Maintaining the possibility of success enables you to try again.

You're not seeing yourself as a terrible painter who's about to paint another catastrophe. And with each lousy painting you paint, you get better at it. You learn. Your turtles have non-broken necks. You now have a chance to become good or even great at painting.

The person who tries and fails and immediately gets up to try again doesn't have a secret sauce that gives them superhuman determination. They either genuinely believe they can do it, or they've suspended their disbelief in order to keep trying. That's all you need for determination. 

If you already believe in yourself, that's easy. You'll keep trying. But if you're struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you'll need to suspend disbelief. There are two ways I know of to do that.

Two Ways to Suspend Disbelief and Activate Your Determination

Belief is a function of what you expect to happen. You believe the sun will rise, meaning you expect it to rise.

One way to suspend disbelief, then, is to simply remove expectations from the equation. 

1. Remove expectations

Examples:

• Work out without expecting any particular result (just see what happens instead of expecting a poor workout or poor results)
• Paint without expecting either a masterpiece or a lousy purple-eyed turtle (just see what happens)
• Go socialize without expecting fun, laughter, arguments, or anything else (just see what happens)

To remove expectations, think this semi-magical phrase: I'll just see what happens

Not only does this remove pressure to perform, it suspends disbelief by removing it as a factor in your decision. Thinking, "I'll just see what happens" means that it doesn't matter what you believe, because you've decided to take action and experience the result rather than speculate about it.

2. Use Your Imagination

Disbelief based in reality has an easy fix. Simply enter another reality.

We step into alternate realities all the time. Any time you watch a TV show or movie or play a game, you're entering into a fictional world and you'll accept it readily for entertainment purposes. We have powerful imaginations that make this possible, and we can use them to actually change our reality. Since we act from our beliefs, when you change what you believe (temporarily through imagination), you can dramatically change the way you act and perform (and persist!). 

I love to play basketball, and I got much better at it after I graduated high school. It wasn't because I developed drastically better skills, it was because I started believing in the skills I had all along. I've seen this in others, too.

A couple years ago, I played basketball with a guy who clearly didn't have a lot of talent, but he believed he was amazing for some reason. While he wasn't nearly as good as he thought he was, his irrationally high self-belief helped him play pretty well. Then just last week, I played one on one against a guy who was extremely skilled, but he didn't seem to realize how good he was. He played as if he were a lesser player than he was, and he lost because of it. If he had the mindset of the other guy, he probably would have beaten me. 

Here are two more extremes to show the potential impact that imagination can have on your perspective and behavior.

• Imagine for a second that you're the leader of your country. Now, you feel like you have the right to contact almost anybody. Celebrities. Leaders of other countries. Anyone. You feel powerful and important. 
• Now, imagine that you're a sewer rat. That changes things! You feel like you're not even allowed to step foot in a restaurant, because everyone will scream at you and jump on top of the tables and chairs. You feel like a rodent in every way.

To apply this to your life, you might imagine that you're the greatest [insert your occupation here] at work, and it will likely improve your performance in that area. You can also imagine scenarios to get yourself going. If I imagined this was the last blog post I'd ever write before I died, I'd put in even more effort than usual to make it impactful. 

As an aside, using your imagination does not mean you're crazy or that you're going to lose track of reality. Suspension of disbelief through imagination is a temporary measure taken to achieved a desired effect. 

In most cases, the desired effect is some sort of positive action or attempt.

Life is all about trying things and taking positive actions, so the next time doubt gets in your way, suspend your disbelief by removing expectations (bypassing belief and experimenting) or using your imagination to create a more powerful reality.

Cheers,

Stephen Guise

SET YOURSELF UP FOR WINDFALL SUCCESS

Windfall (n): An unexpected, unearned, or sudden gain or advantage

How We Think Life Works

Basic cause and effect says that when X happens, Y follows. Most causes have an immediate and obvious effect. Touch a hot stove, and your skin burns. Throw a rock in the air, and it falls back down. Sing too loudly in the shower, and everyone else will leave the house with their hands over their ears.

There are, however, exceptions to this rule. The effect can be delayed and unevenly distributed, and that can really throw us off.

The natural assumption: work, result, work, result, work, result

How it often happens: work, work, work, work, work, work, windfall result

Here are a few personal examples.

In middle school, I had excessive acne and loved it. It was embarrassing. I developed social anxiety as a result, which varied in intensity in the following years. Fast forward to just four years ago: I had the biggest breakdown of my life, which led to crippling general anxiety (feeling nervous for no reason even when alone), and that worsened my social anxiety. 

Over these last four years, I've worked hard to increase my comfort level in general and in social situations. To be specific, I've developed better habits, have been more active, and put myself in more social situations (there's no replacement for practice). But the really odd thing is how and when I saw results.

Fairly recently, it felt like a switch was flipped in my brain, and since then, I've felt completely comfortable and relaxed in social situations. Some of my progress over the last four years was gradual, but this was a huge leap that seemingly happened overnight. It was a true windfall after years of effort. I think it's super strange to happen like this, but I've been enjoying it!

I also had a windfall with this blog. After 2.5 years, I only had 440 subscribers. Over the next six months, it exploded with 4,000 more subscribers. Today, there are almost 12,000 Deep Existence subscribers.

Mini Habits has been extremely successful by any metric, and the idea came as a windfall. I had been analyzing personal growth for 10 years with various ideas; one day I bumped my shin on this new strategy that's been a game changer. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been focused on personal growth for a decade!

When I look back on the good things in my life, many of them were windfall gains after sustained hard work with minimal gains. 

Potential Windfall Areas

Businesses: A new product takes off, an older product takes off, you have a new idea or creative breakthrough that changes everything. It will only happen if you have a business (you're in the game).

Fitness: After not seeing much of a difference in the mirror, you notice a pretty big difference one day. Or after plateauing on the bench press for some time, you're suddenly able to do more. It will only happen if you're exercising (you're in the game).

Weight loss: I'm not talking about unhealthy rapid weight loss strategies. If you do it the right way, you might not notice a difference immediately or gradually. You might notice waves of improvement. It will only happen if you're actively pursuing a healthier lifestyle (you're in the game).

Skill development: Have you ever tried learning a new song on guitar or piano, and after seemingly making little progress try after try, suddenly it clicks? It will only happen if you practice (you're in the game).

Investing: You could invest in a stock that returns an outsized gain. If you had invested just a little bit of money in Microsoft in the 90s, you would have gotten a ridiculous return. I bought an Apple option about 8 years ago that returned 1000%. In order for this to be possible, of course, you must invest (you're in the game).

Why This Matters

First, I find it very exciting. Windfall results are a so much fun when they happen. It's a pleasant surprise.

Second, it can be encouraging to know about the potential of windfall gains when you're putting in the work and not getting satisfactory results right away. If you're not aware of the windfall effect and you don't see early results, you're going to be very tempted to quit. It seems logical to quit if you believe results always come in an orderly manner and you aren't getting any early results, as that suggests that the results will never come.

One More Story of a Windfall Gain

The formula for windfall gains is consistency, persistence, and focusing your energy on fewer pursuits. Here's a story of a struggling artist whose work culminated in a windfall event.

"John Dolan had been living on the streets 20 years when he met the London gallery owner and art-tour organizer who would change his fortune. Dolan's life had spiraled into poverty and crime when he traded a can of beer for George, a Staffordshire bull terrier.

Sketching pictures of his beloved pet brought him comfort.

Soon, he was sketching scenes from around town, capturing London cityscapes and selling his works for whatever he could get for them on the street.

That is, until he met Richard Howard-Griffin.

The gallery owner arranged the first showing of Dolan's work, and the rest, as they say, is history. Dolan has since been featured on Ellen's blog and is now selling his sketches for $5,000 or more apiece. He's also written a book and had more shows in London and Los Angeles."

~ Larry Kim via inc.com

This concept is not to be confused with "go big or go home" or always aiming for the home run hit. There are times to try for the big win, but in my experience, those times will present themselves after you've practiced getting small wins.

John Dolan didn't do anything besides dabble in artwork and show up to see if he could sell it. He wasn't trying to get on Ellen's blog. He certainly wasn't initially selling his art for $5,000 per sketch. John was fortunate to get a windfall opportunity, but those who consider these windfalls to be sheer luck are missing the point—in order to get a "lucky" windfall, you must be in the game. It's not "the lucky people" who get windfalls, it's the persistent people who get lucky. 

I hope this raises your awareness to the very real possibility of windfall successes. Windfalls aren't guaranteed to come, but they're practically guaranteed not to come if you remain passive. Let's continue to show up every day and make ourselves available to receive them if we are so fortunate. 

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and yours! 

Cheers,

Stephen Guise

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY FOR EMOTIONAL HEALTH (mini habits)

A human life is filled with highs and lows, triumphs and tragedies, and unpredictable swings from one to the next. One moment, you feel on top of the world, the next moment, you feel like a sewer rat. (Sewer rats probably feel bad, but I can't confirm this.)

Anyone can perform in ideal circumstances. Our performance in emotional extremes is what counts.

Why The Extremes Challenge Us Most

When things are really good, it's tempting to press pause on what got you there and celebrate.

When things are really bad, it's tempting to console and pamper yourself or even give up.

The ultimate challenge in life isn't how much you can do in a given day, it's whether or not you can keep going in emotional extremes. Consistency is the gold standard of good living because it means you're unstoppable: regardless of what's going on and how you feel, you're going to show up.

Anyone can have a single great day in any area, but what's the point of one good day surrounded by dozens of bad or mediocre days?

Where Most People Get It Wrong

If you truly, deeply believe that consistency matters more than anything else in the world, then when you're emotionally devastated, a part of you is going to say, "Yes, I feel like a sewer rat right now, but this is an opportunity to prove that I can still make progress in my life despite what I'm going through. This is my chance to prove I'm consistent." 

The typical person doesn't value consistency like this. They see life as a fluid and varying journey, which is true, but they willingly match their behavior to the extreme emotions they feel. Varying progress is normal, but it's not a good reason to give up even for a day. Many people will allow zero progress days if they feel a certain way.

In a very scientific experiment in college, I found that 2 hours of sleep is MUCH better than zero hours of sleep. In the same way, a small progress day is MUCH better than a zero progress day for your habits and your mental health.

When life seems perfect, it will get worse, because perfection is a ceiling. When life seems like a nightmare, it will get better, because real life nightmares are a floor. When life shifts from great to worse or vice versa, consistency shines! Here's why.

When Good Turns Bad

Imagine that you're having the best day(s) of your life. You're in a loving relationship. You're making money. You're in great physical condition. Everything is as it should be. Nice.

Since life is so peachy, you decide skip some days at the gym to celebrate. You drink and eat like a king. Your income and job situation are phenomenal, so you figure you can relax a bit at your work and skill-building. You decide to "coast" with your significant other rather than pursue because your relationship is strong.

This continues for some time, but then the hammer drops. You lose your job, your relationship falls apart, and you haven't touched a weight in months. Now, on top of your fall from grace, you've lost the very things that put you in that great position. This is how a temporary fall becomes a prolonged descent. You've got nothing!

Here's an alternative possibility.

What if instead, you had continued your core tasks through the good times? In this case, maybe you've lost your love and your job, but your exercise habit remains and your skillset is stronger than ever. This prevents the meteoric drop from the first scenario. You know you're still growing as a person, and that you're likely to rebound swiftly. Your skills, emotional stability, and good habits make you quite employable and datable. 

When things go poorly, our habits are our safety net. This is not just something I'm saying, it's our biological response. Studies show that the natural human behavioral response to stress is to rely on habitual behaviors over cognitive behaviors. 

I understand that habits aren't sexy. But unlike the exciting things like romance, power, prestige, reputation, and money, your habits are reliable enough to be a foundation, an emotional foundation to pick you back up when life slams you to the ground.

When Bad Turns Good

In the flip scenario, imagine that you're having the worst day(s) of your life. You're all alone. You're broke. You're out of shape. You feel like a sewer rat. This is a common excuse to get out the ice cream and watch TV... for a week straight. 

Self loathing cycles with self-destructive behaviors. People don't choose to do this as a "solution." They do it to cope. They do it to ease emotional pain.

The alternative to destructive coping is constructive coping. Like ice cream, good daily habits can pull your focus away from the pain in your life. Unlike unhealthy coping (which brings further guilt), good habits will remind you of your potential and they won't let you admit complete defeat. Habits are deservedly touted for their ability to drive success, but their impact doesn't end there.

Much of the power in consistency is psychological. It's difficult to get into too deep of a rut when you KNOW you're making progress every day in high-value areas. This consistent forward march is the healthy fallback you need when times are tough. 

When life is bleak, your habits will sink you lower or lead your turnaround.

The Unmatched Power of Mini Habits

Now, many of you already know about mini habits, having read the book or taken the video course. But even if you are familiar, this discussion shows a different angle of why mini habits are so powerful. In my book and course, I showed a chart demonstrating the mini habits difference in regards to willpower and motivation. See it below.

Caption: No motivation? No willpower? No problem if you've got mini habits.

That shows the doability of mini habits, in that a person struggling with low motivation and willpower in any moment can still get the job done.

In a human life of ups and downs, we also need a strategy that constantly generates positive emotions. As tough as many of us pretend to be on the outside, let's be real. We are emotionally fragile and volatile creatures. (This isn't an anti-emotion speech as our emotions are amazing gifts when they are positive.)

A mini habit is unlike any other strategy on earth in that it practically starts you in a position of success and gives you upward flexibility. Almost every other growth strategy you'll see starts you at failure and asks you to struggle your way to your success target (exactly what you can't do when emotionally devastated). Mini habits have a threshold for success too, but it's so low that it isn't a ceiling like most goals, it's actually a floor. Mini habits offer an unlimited bonus area (no ceiling) and varying levels of success. 

The chart below shows the emotional power of mini habits to create positivity in your life and keep it that way with consistency (the previous willpower chart above shows how you can be consistent with mini habits). 

Caption: For a specific example, imagine that the numbers on the left represent push-ups. When you make winning easier, you will win much more often. When you win consistently, you'll feel and act like a winner. This "success cycling" effect explains why mini habit progression is often exponential. If this picture is too small to see, there's a bigger version on the blog.

Mini habits are a constant positive force, keeping you out of the gutter or sparking you to higher highs. It's common sense that only positive actions can consistently make us feel positive, because everything else is just talk, potential, or hope. 

The best way to get over life struggles is to move forward.

The best way to continue a great life is to move forward.

Consistent forward movement improves your life while minimizing the likelihood and impact of going backward. The way to do it is equally simple: choose the most important areas in your life and minify them into small actions you can definitely do every day, with the option and hunger for more.

For the comprehensive explanation of how to do this (and what not to do), read Mini Habits or take thevideo course. Their industry-leading ratings are not a coincidence and they're not due to my eloquence as a writer or speaker. It's just a solution the world needs. 

If you're already familiar with mini habits, integrate this information into your understanding. Previously, I haven't talked much about the emotional support power of mini habits. As you can do them even on your worst day, mini habits are powerful enough to be the core of your emotional health and stability.

How My Habits Have Saved Me

Despite my chronically happy disposition, I probably would have spiralled into depression this year without my habits. I've moved three times in the last year. It has been brutal to start over in three new places where I haven't known anyone. It's been a lonely time trying to find a place on earth where I feel like I belong and that feels like home. And yet, somehow, I'm not (fully) insane and I'm not depressed. 

It's like I've been walking in a storm. Debris is airborne, swarming all around me. Dust saturates the air, and pelts my eyes when I dare to open them. I see massive tornado funnels wreaking havoc, threatening to uproot me. The wind is fierce, its sound deafening. Chaos! I don't know from one moment to the next what's going to happen. I'm constantly unsure of my direction, because I can't clearly see what's ahead. Every move I make feels like a guess. If I go this way, will a stray refrigerator crash into me? Nobody knows. Does the fridge have Chipotle leftovers inside of it? I can only hope.

The most perplexing part in of all of this scene? I'm smiling. It's not because I enjoy breathing in dust (I admit it is fun), it's because I somehow feel like a juggernaut in this harsh land. Despite being blind and vulnerable in this storm of confusion (which I think accurately describes a human life in many ways), I haven't stopped moving forward. I haven't stopped making progress. If I can move forward here, what can stop me?

I've forgotten about the dust. I've ignored the debris hitting my face. I can't control those, so I'm focused on moving forward, knowing each step brings me closer to a new destination. I don't know what the next destination holds, but I know that whatever it is, it will not stop me from making progress either. If my eyes are blinded, I'll feel my way through. If a wall is in front of me, I'll climb it. If my legs are broken, I'll crawl. I may not pick the best path forward, but that's okay.

In life, circumstances and results vary, and relying on them at all will result in pain and disappointment. Money, relationships, success, power, and pleasure can be taken from you in an instant. Instead, rely on your habits, which you control. Your habits can power you through life's worst storms and constantly move you toward the life you desire. If times are good, they can send you higher and catch you if you happen to fall. If times are bad, they'll be your rocket ship to a better place. 

This message will catch you all in different places. Some will be struggling. Some will be thriving. Some will be in the middle. Wherever you are, this is equally relevant and important for your future and I hope you never forget it.

You can do nothing better than to be consistent in areas that matter to you. 

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Consistently yours,

Stephen Guise

PS. Mini Habits and How to Be an Imperfectionist are now available for purchase on Google Play.